I've been in my new house for a week and a day now. Unpacking has begun. Bedrooms have been painted. Internet is working. In a few days I go to Maine to pick up Aaron.

I have a home.

This home.

My House

I never expected this. I can't believe that this is my life now. This beautiful house is mine. My bedroom has orange walls that Joe painted for me.

Joe is another thing that I never expected. Yesterday was our two month anniversary of the team building experience where it all started. Two weeks ago, he told me he loves me. Last week, he met my Dad and my Uncle Chris. I love him so much that it makes my head spin. When I'm with him, I feel safe and wanted and beautiful. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

When I lost my Mom, I really felt like I was never going to be happy again. Now I'm living in my dream house, surrounded by my best friends with a man who I love and who loves me back. I never thought I'd have this, but now I do. And it is amazing.
sacrilicious13: (Impala house)
There's been a lot of progress on the house since my last entry. We have a foundation, and tomorrow they should be starting the frame. Two months from now, I'll probably be moving into my house. I'm beyond excited. I can't wait to paint the walls and decorate and make it mine.

I'm going to have a HOUSE. I have a job that I seem to be pretty good at, and that I like most of the time. I have amazing friends. I'm actually happy a lot of the time, something I never would have believed was possible a year ago.

Sometimes it still hits me though, like a knife between my ribs, that my Mom isn't here. I MISS her. It's been almost a year and a half. When I pause and think about that it shocks me that so much time has passed. The person I used to be doesn't exist anymore. I like this new Nastassia, but sometimes I wonder if my Mom would even recognize me now.

A tiny part of me still feels like I'm betraying her by being happy, but the majority of me knows that I'm just being stupid. I know she'd be proud of me for getting a house. It was all we ever really wanted. Want to hear something ironic? The company that is building my house, KB Homes, has a neighborhood in Charlotte, NC. Way back in early 2008 on the last vacation we had before Mom got sick we looked at them. We loved the houses and were going to try to get one when our lease was up in Maine. I didn't even realize it until I was looking at their site a couple weeks ago. Maybe that's the reason I didn't even want to look at any other neighborhoods. Maybe my subconscious remembered walking through those houses in North Carolina with my Mom and dreaming.

I just miss her. I know that goes without saying, but getting this house is one of the biggest events of my life. The idea of getting married someday isn't even something that registers as a possibility in my brain. The behavior of Shitbag Asshole (why yes that is his proper name) made me realize that I've never really be happy in any of the relationships I've had, and that I'd rather be single and surrounded by my friends than waste time on bitches like him. Yet another thing that I inherited from my Mom, a low tolerance for people who are complete wastes of space.

I miss talking to her. This huge thing is happening in my life. It's awesome and kind of scary, and I just want my Mom. I want to show her my land and watch with her as it becomes a foundation and a frame and then finally a house. I want her to be here.
sacrilicious13: (Impala house)
So life has been crazy for the past couple weeks. Totally bought a house.

The story behind this is I HATE the shithole that we're renting. Nothing works in this house, it's tiny, and I haaaaaaate it. In Kyle there's this lovely housing development that I coo over everytime I drive past it. On a complete impulse I go in and talk to a realtor. As it turns out, the houses are REALLY affordable. I called my Dad and my grandparents and asked if they thought this was doable. They said it seemed like a good idea. My wonderful Dad agreed to cosign for me, and I AM GETTING A HOUSE OMG.

The loan was officially approved last week. (BTW I found out that I have an AWESOME credit score. 757 baby!) Yesterday I finalized my choices on all the fixtures and everything, so they'll be starting on the house next week! The really cool thing about these houses are the fact that you get to pick EVERYTHING from the faucets to the floors. You know how some girls have been planning their weddings since they were five? Screw a wedding, I've been building my house since I was five.

Everything should be finished by sometime in June. I can't wait! I want to move into my pretty pretty house NOW!

Even better, Aaron is moving to Texas to live with us! (My goal is to eventually steal everyone cool out of New England and bring them down here.) I can't believe I'm going to have a HOUSE!

This is the style of the house I'll be getting, though mine will look a bit different because I'm getting a different floor plan and mine is going to be green.

HOUSE!!!! )
I've been pretty awol from internetland for the past month. I was in Maryland and Virginia visiting the family over Thanksgiving, and then on December 1, I started training for my new job. The training is two weeks of insanity involving early mornings and more memorization than is humanly possible. Also, I had the good fortune of getting a nasty sinus infection smack in the middle of it. I survived it all, passed the training and only had...two or three nervous breakdowns.

Anyway, the job is selling complete home water treatment systems. Since the water is godawful in Austin, they sell quite well, and I've already made multiple sales in the week and a half I've been working. Everyone I work with is awesome, and the job pays insanely well if you can sell. Hopefully, this will be the way I can finally pay off all my bills and get a nice house.

I spent Christmas in Houston with [livejournal.com profile] duia's family. It was a blast even though I got massively sick on Christmas eve with an even worse sinus infection that I'm JUST starting to get over. Ugh. I really really hate being sick.

On the day after Christmas my dad flew in from Maryland and stayed for four days. I showed him a little bit of Austin, and he got to meet my girls so all was wonderful there. I wish he could have stayed longer.

New Year's Eve was pretty low key. The girls and I ended up heading to Logan's place and just chilling out and drinking champagne. Not a bad way to ring in 2010.

I really can't believe that it's actually 2010. A new year, a new DECADE, hopefully this one is going to be a lot better than the last few.

Happy New Year everyone!
So for the past two weeks I've been babysitting the four year old son of my neighbor Cary. First of all, Cary is freaking awesome. She's supernice, has tons of amazing tattoos, and pretty much just rules at life. Her little boy, Clay, is also an awesome little dude. Now I am not usually a fan of children. Most children are demonic little howler monkeys that make me long for a tazer. Clay is super mellow, eats healthy food without a fight, and is just a generally cool human. He's also super adorable. His birthday's in a few weeks and there are talks of a bouncy house and a pina colada machine for the adults. I am psyched!

Had an interview at another stationary store today. It's only two days a week, but I'm going to take it if I get offered it because I need SOMETHING. I think the interview went well, and at least the owner of this store didn't think that you need a graphic design degree to fill out an order form.

Also made cookies with anise and beer. They are delicious and will be added to the list of stuff for the bakery.
It's been a busy couple of weeks. I spent a good chunk of last week in Houston. I met even more of Duia's extended family and spent some quality time chilling by the pool. I am more tan than I have ever been in my life. That's a little sad because I'm still pale compared Duia lol.

On Monday, [livejournal.com profile] blackwayfarers got here. We've been introducing Mr. Canada to the wonders of Sonic, IHOP, and Whataburger while trying to keep him from combusting in the neverending heat. We went to see Harry Potter again yesterday at the Alamo Drafthouse. A movie theater that serves delicious food really is the best idea ever. They had Butterbeer (which is apparently apple cider and butterscotch), and it was DELICIOUS!

On the job scene, that stationary store I applied at is run by RETARDED BITCHASSES. After stringing me along for almost a month with multiple interviews and saying many many times how great they thought I'd be for the job, they sent me an email saying that they were going to put an ad in the paper to try and get someone with a graphics design degree. YOU DON'T NEED A FUCKING GRAPHICS DEGREE TO DO INVITATION MOCKUPS IN THE SHITTY PROGRAM THEY USED IN HOUSE. Also, considering that William Arthur thought I was good enough to do the ACTUAL layouts of the products their customers would be receiving, they should realize that I can handle doing a half-assed mockup which is ALL they do in the stores. I am just so pissed off about this. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ someone with a graphic design degree is not going to work in a store for a job with no benefits. I hope they can't find anyone.

I do have a pseudo job now. The lady who lives in the house next door is HELLA cool. She's a bartender with all these awesome tattoos, and she's just utterly fabulous. A total bro. She has a son who's almost five, and she needed someone to watch him two nights a week. It's only $25 a night, but he's only going to be awake for like an hour after I get there and the rest of the night will involve me watching tv, playing on the internet, and petting her adorable bunny. I'm supposed to start next week. I'm nervous just because I have NEVER been around kids, but he's seriously the chillest kid ever, so I'm not THAT worried. Also, she said the bar she works at is hiring servers, so if none of the dozen other jobs I applied for pan out, I have an option that doesn't involve pole dancing.
sacrilicious13: (Bitch are you for real?)



Had an interview today with a stationary store and I think it went really well. Based on working at William Arthur and my mad computer skillz, I think there's a pretty good chance I'll get this. Which is a really good thing because I was starting to seriously consider selling my plasma. The pay is only a little bit less than what I made at William Arthur too.

Other than the job search, not much has been going on. Duia's Mom and her sisters came to visit for a few days. They're all pretty awesome. Duia's littlest sister totally reminds me of myself. She's adorable and a total nerd.

Being around Duia's Mom was nice but also really really hard. Seeing all three of them doing mother daughter stuff just reminded me that I don't get to do that anymore. Of course, there's really not a whole lot that doesn't remind me of that.

I talked to Scott from William Arthur today. Scott's an awesome guy. I always called him my work husband, not because there was any romantic stuff but because he was always there for me to talk to. And because I fed him pie.

I've pretty much decided that I will be going to Boston next month for Duia's friend's wedding. I'm hoping I can see Scott, Aaron, and Dave. I shouldn't spend the money AT ALL, but everything that's happened in my life recently has made me desperately crave something familiar. And New England is familiar.

I've been slowly coming to the realization that it's going to be a long long time (if ever) until anyplace feels like "home" to me. Texas makes me miss seeing green things. It makes me miss that first bite in the air that says fall is coming. It makes me miss the masses of orange gold red brown leaves hanging from the trees like jewels. It makes me miss the way the mountains look like they're burning when the maple leaves turn, and the first taste of cider in Vermont. But no matter how much I might miss those things, I can't go back because there's nothing to go back TO. If I walk through the streets of Stowe or Newburyport or Keene, I'll see the charm and the familiarity of those places, but I'll also know that I'm missing someone who's supposed to be walking with me.

You see, I always talked about how I grew up Winchester style, moving from state to state and never having any real roots and how it never bothered me. That was and still is 100% true. I never cared where my home was because wherever we were WAS home. But suddenly I'm adrift in the world and NO PLACE feels like home. And I know it's only been seven months. I know that New Hampshire or Vermont or Virginia or North Carolina wouldn't feel like home either. I know there are no easy answers to this. I know that there's no fix to this.

This was supposed to be a happy entry about how I hopefully will have a job soon, but talking to Scott just made me remember the way things used to be and how I didn't even know how happy I was.
sacrilicious13: (Say what?)
So my morning began with my air conditioner FALLING OUT OF THE WINDOW.

I was in the kitchen putting away dishes and I heard this ridiculous crash. I ran into my room and there was a GIANT GAPING HOLE where my air conditioner was. It ripped off half the window frame too. So right now I have a garbage bag taped over the hole. SO MUCH CLASSY.

The landlady is sending someone tomorrow to fix it, but holy crap did not expect to start my morning that way!

On other notes, finally got my car registered here. I have to put the new tags on my car tomorrow! Still have to get my driver's license changed, but after that I'm finally here for real on paper!
Duia: We really need a couch. I need a place to flop. This isn't working for me.
Nas: Can we get the orange one? Please?
Duia: *eyes* What the fuck is an orange couch gonna match with in here, Nastassia?
Nas: *sadface* My heart?


May. 23rd, 2009 11:59 pm
Now I am not a fan of cats. I REALLY dislike most cats. They creep me out the way they look at you like they're plotting something.

However, I found one that I like.

Our neighbor has an outside cat. I have no idea what the cat's actual name is, but I have started calling her Ruby because she skulks around the door and she has grown on me despite her being an evil creature of evil.

So I've been in Austin a couple of days, am about halfway unpacked, and I am loving this place. Seriously. Everything about Austin is fucking amazing. The weather is GLORIOUS. Everyone in nice. People are better drivers here. Everything is just so mellow here.

The trip was long but everything went quite well. We blazed through VA, NC, SC, GA, and AL in one freaking day. Alabama was lovely. Birmingham is such a pretty city. I got a chance to show Duia my beloved Charlotte, NC. New Orleans was AWESOME, and I can't wait to go back there again many many many times (and also to drink many many many cups of Cafe du Monde coffee!) Houston was pretty rad, and Duia's family was just lovely. I still cannot believe that we actually made that insane trip.

We rolled in on the 10th and pretty much went straight to the Bonnie Raitt concert. Bonnie was incredible, and the guy who opened for her, Paul Thorn, was an amazingly amazing singer. I actually bought both of his CDs and I do NOT pay for music. Ever. It was just a fabulous show all around. Bonnie played pretty much all of my favorite songs. She sang this beautiful version of "Angel of Montgomery" that she dedicated to Mother's Day. That was always one of my favorite songs by her, so it totally made me cry. Love you forever Bonnie.

Met Jenny who is ADORABLE AND WONDERFUL AND FABULOUS. She pretty much lives with us, and that's totally okay because she rules at life.

The house is tiny and old, but I'm growing quite fond of it. The only thing I don't like about the house is the MASSIVE lack of kitchen cabinets. I cannot wait until everything is unpacked, and I have a job because once I'm employed IT'S PUPPY TIME.

Lovely internet people will be showing up with regularity and not wanting to leave because we are pretty awesome. Dave, Woody, Aaron, and Dee - your asses are going to be down here to hang out before 2010. And when you get here things will be LEGENDARY.

So I'm loving Texas so far. I have a house. I have amazing friends. Life is looking up!

PS - My fishy Austin survived the trip! He rode 1800 miles in a tupperware container in the backseat and he is still alive and swimming happily around in his bowl being adorable. My fish is a badass!
Today's the day.

It's finally here.

It's almost noon, and I leave around six to pick [livejournal.com profile] duia up at the airport in Richmond. From there, I'll drive into my new life with her riding shotgun.

Everything is packed. My stuff has been enroute since last Friday. I have a full tank of gas, a GPS, and 18 mix cds. I have a plan. I have a future.

I never thought I'd end up here. I wish things would have been different, but all wishes don't come true.

I know Texas is going to be fabulous. All of Duia's awesome friends are going to become MY awesome friends. I'm going to make pies and decorate the house and bask in the 100+ degree heat. I'm going to have adventures, and I'm going to have those adventures because I'm the person my Mom made me.

There are things I'll miss. I'll miss my grandma. She drives me crazy sometimes, but I love her. I know my father is massively bummed that I'm moving to the other side of the country so soon after meeting me, but that's what planes are for! I've never flown before, so I''m just going to have to hum Metallica to calm me down.

This is really happening. After months and months of planning and hoping and endless setbacks, this is really happening.

Today is the 6th of May, making it five months since I lost my Mom. The day seems appropriate somehow.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to every one of you who has been here, reading and commenting and just being there through the worst part of my life. I love you all. Hopefully the entries will start to be a little brighter soon.

Expect tons of voiceposts, twitters, and random comments from the road. This trip is going to be LEGENDARY.

Wish me luck.

So for the past month [livejournal.com profile] duia and I have been trying to rent this house. The lady who owns it is supernice, but the realtors who were handling it were giant douchenozzles. They actually forced us to pay six months worth of rent upfront which is complete bullshit, but we did it. And now we have a house!

It's tiny and is seriously lacking in closet space so my immense organizational skills will be put to work, but it has hardwood floors and one of those awesome clawfoot bathtubs. Also, we will be living one how down from the sheriff so no worries about getting robbed. The size isn't ideal, but Duia said it felt welcoming and her word is enough for me.

Duia has the keys and will probably be moving her stuff in over the next few days. I'm renting one of those PODS things to move my stuff down to Texas. I'm packing that on the 29th, and it'll be in Austin on the 11th. Because she is the greatest human ever, Duia is flying up here, and on the 6th of May we're going to be driving back to Austin together! So much yay!

I've pretty much mapped out the route we're going to take. Googlemaps wanted to take us through Tennessee and Arkansas, two states I have very little desire to visit, so I messed with the route and we've be going from Richmond, VA --> Charlotte, NC --> Atlanta, GA --> Birmingham, AL --> Hattiesburg, MS --> New Orleans, LA --> Beaumont, TX --> Houston, TX --> AUSTIN. MUCH more interesting route! Now we're pretty much just planning brief stops in all these cities (well maybe a bit longer in New Orleans) but even stopping for just an hour or so will break up the trip. Expect THOUSANDS of pictures, twitters, and voiceposts.

We'll probably get to Austin on the 9th. On the 10th, Duia and I have tickets to see Bonnie Raitt. Bonnie Raitt was one of my Mom's very favorite singers, and the fact that she's playing in Austin on Mother's Day just felt like a sign that I should go.

I'm nervous, excited, and AMAZED that this is finally happening. I'm really moving to Texas guys. A year ago, I never would have thought this would be my life. I'm not going to lie and say that everything is okay now, but my Mom loved me more than anything else in the world, and I know she wants me to try to be happy. And I'm trying. I'm going to plant flowers in our front yard. I'm not going to waste time on things and people that are not worth my time because life is too short. I'm going to have crazy adventures with my best friend. I'm going to live enough for both of us because that's what she'd want me to do.



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