It's been ages since I posted, so here's what's going on.

I hate my job. Dear god I hate my job so much. I hate all the barely literate morons who chat in. I would sell my soul for a job with zero customer interaction. I miss working at William Arthur and typing things and NOT TALKING TO IDIOTS so much.

Beyond that my life is basically a cycle of - get to work, count minutes until I can leave, count the days until weekends, count weeks until vacation. Exciting.

It's so depressing because Joe and I know what we want to do. We want to buy land, build a house ourselves, and set up a small subsistence farming operation/CSA. But we have to pay of our debt to do this and the thought of being trapped in this job where nothing I do matters for two or three more years make me want to hang myself.

On a less depressing note, there's another girl at work, Brett, who hates the job as much as I do. We're starting an etsy business making dog collars. We're still in the preliminary phases, but hopefully we make some decent money doing this so we can both get out sooner than later.


Sep. 21st, 2009 10:41 pm
sacrilicious13: (Four season tree)
So today I had the first day of training for my new job. I haven't even really mentioned it to many people because my employment life has been such a shitshow lately that I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. It's selling health insurance as an independent agent. No salary, just 100% commission, but all the people we sell to are people who have called the company requesting an agent contact them so there's none of that cold calling bullshit.

Writing out the policies doesn't seem too hard to me. Within 90 days I have to take the state licensing exam which hopefully won't be too awful. According to the super nice boss lady, the average commission is between $1000 and $2000 A WEEK. If I can succeed at this I can pay off my credit card debt, my car, and my student loans and eventually buy a house.

I reread the letter my Mom wrote me before she died last night for the first time in quite awhile. She told me to never ever give up. Not giving up has been really really hard these last few months. I've been thrust into this completely unfamiliar world where I don't know what to do or how to do it. I still feel that way most of the time. I feel like I'm doing the whole "striking out on your own into the world at 18" nine years late. And sometimes I feel almost happy, but mostly it's just hollow because I am so incredibly lonely most of the time. My friends all have their own lives and families. I talk to my grandma every day, but it's not the same. I can't talk to her when I'm upset or about my Mom because all it does is upset her, and that doesn't exactly make me feel better. I wish that I had someone I could talk to about her, but I don't. Instead I go to Target and look at Halloween decorations and remember decorating our house and watching scary movies together and I ACHE for those days when I knew my place in the world and I was happy with it.

I'm a person who likes to have a plan and a schedule to my life, and that has been totally derailed. I still have no idea what I'm going to be doing or where I'm going to be living in two three four years. Being back in Boston for that week made me miss that place so much. The difference between Texas and Massachusetts is like night and day. It's late September and I want fireplaces and leaves crunching underfoot and a cold bite in the air. I just don't know. I feel anchorless.

This entry turned out a lot more emo than I intended when I started it. I am happy about this new job and the potential it has for making my life better financially. It's just all a bit bittersweet.
So the most HILARIOUS thing ever happened to me Friday night. It's 12:30 am. Just clocked out of work, and I'm walking to my car and I see Scott talking to the two sisters, Melissa and Erika, by their cars. I wander over and discover that they are talking about just how much ass work sucks. That is always a topic for much discussion, so I join in.

After a few minutes of general bitching, we start talking about the various methods we use to keep sane in long boring shifts. I mention reading LJ on my phone and then the sisters chime in that they read fanfic on the phones.

Cue loud, excited squealing.

I find out that they're in anime fandom. We have a hilarious few minutes explaining fandom and slash to Scott. I tell them about Supernatural and that I'm totally a slasher and that my OTP is Sam/Dean. They mention that they've dabbled in RPS, and I tell them how I'm being sucked into bandom.

Then they mention that their main ship is incest too. SERIOUSLY HOW AWESOME IS THAT? Not only do I find that I sit near two fandom people at work, but they're slashers AND they're pro-cestfic!

They write fic and do art which I am hella impressed with. I wish I could draw! I told them I do vids, and they thought that was pretty cool and wanted me to show them how.

The girls say that they thought I was in fandom because they heard me on the phone with [ profile] duia and I said "OTP" or something, so they were debating on if they should ask me if I was in fandom.

The whole time Scott is just standing there laughing and shaking his head in amusement at the three girls squealing and flailing over gay porn. And now whenever he sees any of us playing with our phones, he'll know EXACTLY what we're reading.


Apr. 15th, 2008 05:18 pm
I arrived at work yesterday to find that I NO LONGER HAVE A DESK. While I was gone they switched everyone's seats for NO FUCKING REASON. Now I'm stuck sitting directly in the eyeline of the 600 pound bitch that everyone hates.

I also went from having my own desk to having to share one with a fucking dayshifter who has the wall covered with pictures of their ugly kids while a fucking new girl who just started YESTERDAY gets my desk.

Everyone is so pissed about this. Way to treat us like adults.



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