I am SUCH a homebody.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a night on the town as much as the next girl, but nothing will ever compare to a relaxing night on the couch with Joe beside me, the kitties on my lap and River stealing my seat if I get up.

I love my house, I love my Joe, and I love my fuzzy babies, so I guess it makes sense that the time I enjoy the most is with them.

And how photogenic is this guy? )
Life is good. We're painting the hallway finally, which makes me buckets of happy. Having this vast white space between all my happy colored rooms drove me crazy.

River is still insane and bitey. I will be very pleased when she stops this.

Joe bought me an incredible red Kitchenaid mixer for my birthday on the 13th. I love it so much! I've wanted one of these things forever. Such a perfect man!

This is the time of year that I start feeling very introspective. Months into the Texas summer and months left to go and all I can think of is running away with Joe to someplace with leaves and clouds and rain. I miss weather.

In the ages and ages since I last posted, we got a puppy. Her name is River, she's a German Shepherd, she's adorable, but OMG I CANNOT WAIT FOR HER TO NOT BE A PUPPY ANYMORE. I am most definitely, without a doubt a cat person. I like her but she's so needy and she won't stop biting me! The cat is getting smothered with love because I know she likes me.

Here is the little terror now )

Three days into 2011 and it's been good so far.

2010 was a pretty incredible year for me. At the tail end of 2009, I started working at Rainsoft and that really kicked into high gear in 2010. Rainsoft ended up not being a career for me, but I will always be so utterly grateful that I answered that ad on craigslist because Rainsoft was where I met the love of my life, Joe.

2010 was the year of firsts with Joe. He has been a huge part of what made that year so great. I went from never having been in a relationship that hit the 6 month mark, to a FUTURE. In less than two weeks, we'll be living together and the thing that continues to surprise me is how NOT nervous I am about it. I know my entries from the last 8 and a half months have been filled with this, but I still look at him and wonder how I got so lucky. 2010 was the year I let my guard down, took a chance, and met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

2010 was the year I bought a house. We painted the walls bright colors and arranged the furniture. We cooked meals in the kitchen, decorated the Christmas tree, and laughed. We made it a home, and we loved it.

2010 was the year I started working at Apple. I have a job that has actual career potential in a fantastic company, and hopefully in the next few weeks Joe will be starting there as well.

2010 was the year I got a cat. I've never been a cat person, but Joe found our little furry ball of crazy on craigslist, and we both just adore her. She makes us laugh, and she keeps me company when I'm alone. I want to do everything I can to give her the most wonderful life possible. (Butterfup isn't working for a name though. She's waaaaaay too demanding.)

2010 was the year I built a home and a family. Here's hoping 2011 is even better.
Two years today.

Two years since I slept beside my Mom's hospital bed while she slipped away from me. Two years since the course of my life changed so much that the old me wouldn't even recognize the person I am now.

Today, I woke up in the bed my Mom refinished when she was in high school, inside the house I own. I drove to work with the man I love sitting next to me. I worked a long day at Apple. I came home and took a bubble bath in my purple bathroom. I watched "Waitress," and I thought of her.

Joe and I got a Christmas tree on Sunday. We're going to decorate it tomorrow after work. Every day is another first with him - first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, it's all new. Almost eight months in and it's the best of both worlds - we're completely comfortable around each other but I still marvel over what we have a hundred times a day.

It makes my heart ache that my Mom will never meet him and that he will never meet her. They would have gotten along, I think. They have the same no bullshit attitude, the same confidence. I can imagine us all in the kitchen cooking something fantastic in my beautiful house. It can't ever happen, of course, but I can still dream.

This time of year is hard, not that I miss her less any other time. May is her birthday and Mother's Day in quick succession. August is my birthday. Every month has memories, but Halloween through Christmas had the most. Tomorrow I will unpack our Christmas ornaments for the first time without her. I will hang them on a tree in Texas with a boy from Minnesota.

And I will miss her.
Yesterday was my birthday, Friday the 13th YAY! I'm still amazed at the difference between this year and the last. I had a pretty low key birthday. It was mostly me and Joe hanging out at my house. Tamara made me a fabulous cake. I made myself a fabulous pecan pie. Duia made me fabulous tortellini. Aaron was just generally fabulous. Hehe. Anyway, I spent the day with the people I love in a house that I love.

Right now Joe's outside putting Miracle Gro on my lawn. We will have been together four months on the 17th, and sometimes it still catches me by surprise how much I love him.

I'm planning on doing some serious cleaning tomorrow so I can hopefully take some pictures to post so those of you that haven't been lucky enough to visit yet can see my house.
I've been in my new house for a week and a day now. Unpacking has begun. Bedrooms have been painted. Internet is working. In a few days I go to Maine to pick up Aaron.

I have a home.

This home.

My House

I never expected this. I can't believe that this is my life now. This beautiful house is mine. My bedroom has orange walls that Joe painted for me.

Joe is another thing that I never expected. Yesterday was our two month anniversary of the team building experience where it all started. Two weeks ago, he told me he loves me. Last week, he met my Dad and my Uncle Chris. I love him so much that it makes my head spin. When I'm with him, I feel safe and wanted and beautiful. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

When I lost my Mom, I really felt like I was never going to be happy again. Now I'm living in my dream house, surrounded by my best friends with a man who I love and who loves me back. I never thought I'd have this, but now I do. And it is amazing.
sacrilicious13: (Impala house)
There's been a lot of progress on the house since my last entry. We have a foundation, and tomorrow they should be starting the frame. Two months from now, I'll probably be moving into my house. I'm beyond excited. I can't wait to paint the walls and decorate and make it mine.

I'm going to have a HOUSE. I have a job that I seem to be pretty good at, and that I like most of the time. I have amazing friends. I'm actually happy a lot of the time, something I never would have believed was possible a year ago.

Sometimes it still hits me though, like a knife between my ribs, that my Mom isn't here. I MISS her. It's been almost a year and a half. When I pause and think about that it shocks me that so much time has passed. The person I used to be doesn't exist anymore. I like this new Nastassia, but sometimes I wonder if my Mom would even recognize me now.

A tiny part of me still feels like I'm betraying her by being happy, but the majority of me knows that I'm just being stupid. I know she'd be proud of me for getting a house. It was all we ever really wanted. Want to hear something ironic? The company that is building my house, KB Homes, has a neighborhood in Charlotte, NC. Way back in early 2008 on the last vacation we had before Mom got sick we looked at them. We loved the houses and were going to try to get one when our lease was up in Maine. I didn't even realize it until I was looking at their site a couple weeks ago. Maybe that's the reason I didn't even want to look at any other neighborhoods. Maybe my subconscious remembered walking through those houses in North Carolina with my Mom and dreaming.

I just miss her. I know that goes without saying, but getting this house is one of the biggest events of my life. The idea of getting married someday isn't even something that registers as a possibility in my brain. The behavior of Shitbag Asshole (why yes that is his proper name) made me realize that I've never really be happy in any of the relationships I've had, and that I'd rather be single and surrounded by my friends than waste time on bitches like him. Yet another thing that I inherited from my Mom, a low tolerance for people who are complete wastes of space.

I miss talking to her. This huge thing is happening in my life. It's awesome and kind of scary, and I just want my Mom. I want to show her my land and watch with her as it becomes a foundation and a frame and then finally a house. I want her to be here.
Had an interview today with a stationary store and I think it went really well. Based on working at William Arthur and my mad computer skillz, I think there's a pretty good chance I'll get this. Which is a really good thing because I was starting to seriously consider selling my plasma. The pay is only a little bit less than what I made at William Arthur too.

Other than the job search, not much has been going on. Duia's Mom and her sisters came to visit for a few days. They're all pretty awesome. Duia's littlest sister totally reminds me of myself. She's adorable and a total nerd.

Being around Duia's Mom was nice but also really really hard. Seeing all three of them doing mother daughter stuff just reminded me that I don't get to do that anymore. Of course, there's really not a whole lot that doesn't remind me of that.

I talked to Scott from William Arthur today. Scott's an awesome guy. I always called him my work husband, not because there was any romantic stuff but because he was always there for me to talk to. And because I fed him pie.

I've pretty much decided that I will be going to Boston next month for Duia's friend's wedding. I'm hoping I can see Scott, Aaron, and Dave. I shouldn't spend the money AT ALL, but everything that's happened in my life recently has made me desperately crave something familiar. And New England is familiar.

I've been slowly coming to the realization that it's going to be a long long time (if ever) until anyplace feels like "home" to me. Texas makes me miss seeing green things. It makes me miss that first bite in the air that says fall is coming. It makes me miss the masses of orange gold red brown leaves hanging from the trees like jewels. It makes me miss the way the mountains look like they're burning when the maple leaves turn, and the first taste of cider in Vermont. But no matter how much I might miss those things, I can't go back because there's nothing to go back TO. If I walk through the streets of Stowe or Newburyport or Keene, I'll see the charm and the familiarity of those places, but I'll also know that I'm missing someone who's supposed to be walking with me.

You see, I always talked about how I grew up Winchester style, moving from state to state and never having any real roots and how it never bothered me. That was and still is 100% true. I never cared where my home was because wherever we were WAS home. But suddenly I'm adrift in the world and NO PLACE feels like home. And I know it's only been seven months. I know that New Hampshire or Vermont or Virginia or North Carolina wouldn't feel like home either. I know there are no easy answers to this. I know that there's no fix to this.

This was supposed to be a happy entry about how I hopefully will have a job soon, but talking to Scott just made me remember the way things used to be and how I didn't even know how happy I was.

Off to NH!

May. 14th, 2007 01:09 am
Tomorrow, well actually I guess it's later today, I'm heading off to the great state of New Hampshire to try and find a place so I can get out of the shithole known as Virginia. Expect random voice posts from the road. If anyone sees anything interesting/hilarious/ridiculous on LJ, feel free to leave me links. Especially if hot man on man action is involved!

Love and Winchesters!



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